Silent Night... I Stand All Amazed

Christmas is one of my absolute favorite holidays. It's a time where I get to visit family, make neighbor gifts, spend time going to light shows, listen to christmas music and watch Christmas movies.  Unfortunately, I feel these things really distract me. Even as an adult college student I feel sometimes I neglect and forget what the real meaning of Christmas is. I allow myself to get so distracted with the lights and the movies that I ignore the real reason I am celebrating this holiday. Honestly, I do not think I am alone in this struggle. Sometimes we all get distracted by the glamour of the holiday and we find ourselves ignoring the most important aspect of Christmas; Christ.

A few weeks ago a group of friends from my apartment complex decided to take a trip up to see the beautiful lights at temple square. As we entered the temple square we started to marvel at the temple, the reflection pool, and all the other beautiful light displays. As we viewed this display many of us started to pull out our phones. We started taking group photos and selfies of ourselves. We started to Instagram about our outing and update our snapchats with images of our friends in the lights. In the middle of taking these photos I heard one of my friends teasing us. She said "guys! You're all taking photos of the lights and taking selfies. It's not about that, it's about this!" As I heard her say this I looked up to see her pointing at something. I followed her pointed finger and found her pointing to the reflection pool that was hosting statues of Mary, Jospeh and the baby Jesus.
Now, do I think that it was a sin for us to be taking lots of photos of ourselves and the lights? No. And my friend didn't really think so either. But her words really stuck out to me. As i put my phone back in my pocket and started to really take a moment to survey the scene I focused on the nativity scene in the reflection pool. The scene was in the center of the busy temply square. There were tons of colorful lights surrounding the square and masses of chaotic groups of people. But in the midst of all this was the simple, beautiful nativity scene. As I looked at this I really started to realize how often I forget that, "this", the birth of Christ, is truly what it is about. The season is surrounded with so many good things but at the center of all this is the Savior and His birth and we get distracted from this sometimes.

With this experience reminding me of the importance of keeping Christ at the center of Christmas I started to try and focus more on Him during the season (which, turns out, can be hard). One way I tried to do this was by reading His story more. As I read in the New Testament about the birth of Christ I started to see that Christ's birth really is much more than a marvelous story of a virgin mother giving birth in a lowly stable to a Savior. One part especially stuck out to me this season as I read the story of Christ.
 After the birth of Jesus the wise men, sent by Herod the King to find Jesus, find Him as a young child in Bethlehem. Upon finding Jesus these wise men "fell down, and worshiped him: and when they had opened their treasures, they presented unto him gifts; gold, and frankincense, and myrrh" (Matt 2: 11). As I pondered this I started to have some random questions and thoughts. These wise men brought Jesus many wonderful gifts fit for royalty. But did these men know that Jesus Christ would one day give us all a gift that was more precious than all the gold, frankincense and myrrh in the world?  A gift that He would willingly pay for  with His own precious blood and life? This young child born of an earthly mother and a Heavenly Father was born on earth so that one day He may atone for the sins and sufferings of all mankind.

This season my younger sister Rachel  reminded me of this many times as she discussed the importance of the birth of Christ and its role in the atonement. She talked to me about how the birth of Christ was the first steps in Christ's mission here on the earth. This man born under the most humble of circumstances would grow up as a normal child and developed into a man who would walk the earth as a healer, teacher, prophet and friend. He would  raise the dead, feed the thousands, heal the deaf, dumb and lame. He would eat with the sinners, forgive the adulterers, teach all those that would hear Him and He would love all those who were on the earth and all those who would ever be; regardless of whether or not they would hear and obey His word. And because He had (and still has) such a love for us He was willing to come to earth to suffer, bleed and die for us. He truly suffered all of our pains and afflictions in the garden of Gethsemane and because He did this He understands our pains, trials and feelings. By doing this He understands us individually like no one else on this earth will ever be able to.
After suffering such pains He would allow Himself to be humiliated, harmed and, finally, crucified on the cross. And because He did this we are now able to have the chance to be resurrected and return to live back in Heaven with our Heavenly Father.
Had Heavenly Father not had this grand plan that required a the Savior to be born we would not have been able to obtain those things which the Savior suffered for us. The season of Christmas truly is a time to celebrate the birth of Christ; one of the first steps of the amazing gift Heavenly Father gave to us through the willing Savior in order to bless all of man kind.

I am so grateful for this Christmas season and for all that it represents.I know December is almost over and that Christmas has pretty much come and gone this year but I would just like to add my testimony and witness of Jesus Christ, the Savior. I am so grateful for Him. I know that He came to earth to live as the best example for mankind only to be crucified and resurrected for us all. He is truly the Messiah and the Prince of peace. I know that I can never repay Him for all that He has done for me but I can try my best to do so while on this earth by living a life patterned after His own loving example; not only during Christmas but every day. I know that He lives and He loves each one of us. I also know that Heavenly Father loves us and looks after each of us even when we feel He has forgotten us. I am grateful for His plan of happiness that, with the help of Christ, will allow us to repent every day and the ability to develop and grow so that we can reach our full potential.

Merry Christmas everyone.

This Is Where I Stand

So, a few days ago my day started off like normal. I woke up at 6am to get ready for another day at BYU. Before I started my normal morning routine I decided to check my facebook news feed. As I scrolled amongst the cat videos and photos of friends something totally caught me off guard. Through all the day-to-day posts of Facebook I saw an announcement made from the LDS facebook page that stated the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints had a new addition to the church handbook. This addition was a new policy restricting children of same-sex couples from baby blessings and baptism until they are 18.

Bam. Immediately after reading this I felt a complex wave of emotion flow over me. I experienced mixed emotions of frustration, confusion and anger! I didn't understand why this new addition was necessary. As I continued to scroll through my news feed my feelings seemed to darken as I saw many people posting negative statements as a response to this new rule. Many were calling out the church, shaming the apostles and bringing up multiple points that I had not even thought of. As I continued to look at the news I felt overwhelmed with sadness and confusion. I felt confusion turn into anger and I just felt very upset. However, as I thought about all these things that I had read and heard I realized that I was doing something that wasn't beneficial. I was focusing on the media to help me understand this new change. Instead, I should've been asking those who I trusted the most to help me understand this change. With this in mind I was able to talk to my mom, my uncle, my dad and, most importantly, Heavenly Father while on my knees. As I discussed this new event with my loved ones I learned so much. However, one of the biggest things that stuck out to me was something my uncle said to me.

My uncle had been chatting early with my mom and she had expressed to him how I had been struggling with this whole issue. Even though he is extremely busy with work, six kids and his own life he took time out of his day to give me a call to chat with me. He asked me how I was feeling, what my concerns were and what I thought. As I expressed to him my personal feelings on the event my uncle told me something that really made me think (forgive me as I paraphrase his important pointers). My uncle explained to me that people were being very quick to anger about this but we were all forgetting something: The prophets and apostles speak for Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. When they give us commandments or rules they are from inspired directions from those Holy beings who love us and want what is best. As my uncle explained this he told me "So what people have to decide is this: do they stand by the prophets? Because if they are standing by and backing up the prophets they are standing by and backing up Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. If you do not stand by the prophet where do you stand?"

Our Father in Heaven is all knowing. He is in charge, this is His church and He knows what He is doing. As members we have been taught "[To]believe all that God has revealed, all that He does now reveal, and [to] believe that He will yet reveal many great and important things pertaining to the Kingdom of God" (article of faith nine). He does this through His prophets. The prophets receive inspiration and revelation through Him and they act according to His will, not their own. We may not always understand the inspiration and commandments the Lord gives. However, we are not expected to. Instead, we are asked to go forth with faith. We are free to ask questions about things we don't understand but we must do so with an open heart and mind-willing to listen to the Lord.

I am not going to tell everyone what I think about this new addition to the handbook. I am not going to try and convince everyone what they should think about the addition, why it's right, why it may be wrong or anything else. I don't want to get into an argument with others about whether this change is too harsh, unkind or old fashioned. A personal opinion and belief on this change is something that everyone needs to seek answer to for themselves. However, in the words of my kind wise father, "I will say that when you look for answers...look and feel for the spirit in the right places. Not Facebook, the internet [or] blogs..."

After pondering with the help of sources that did not come from social media I have made my choice. I want everyone to know where I stand.
I stand by the prophet.
Even though I may not always understand things that happen I have decided that I will stand by the prophets and apostles of this church. I will support them and have faith in their inspired choices. By standing by these men of God I have chosen to stand by and support my Heavenly Father. Because His prophets are chosen by Him to recieve revelation for these times.
 I trust Heavenly Father and I will stand by Him.

Humility and Hamstrings

Almost four months ago my family was able to go vacation in Mexico with our family friends the Broadbents. While at dinner one night our friend Jarin told our family how he was planning on doing the Nebo marathon in September. When we returned home from our vacation I was surprised when my Dad suggested that we run the Nebo marathon as well (my dad will claim that this isn't really what happened and that I was the one who suggested this.... that's not true). So for the last four months I have been training with my dad to get ready to run 26.2 miles. As I ran mile after mile, sacrificing time, unhealthy food, and early hours of sleep I felt like I was making many parallels between the gospel and running. As the marathon drew nearer, I'll confess, I had already started to think of blogging about the race and how it related to the gospel. However, plans of blogging, or even running the race, took a drastic change in direction two weeks ago.

Two weeks ago, after my last long run in preparation for the race, I woke up and noticed that the back of my right leg was unnaturally sore. At first I thought that it was just a sore muscle and it would be fine. However, as the week progressed and after talking with a couple knowledgeable people I came to the conclusion that my ham string was pulled. This is not something that you want to hear when you are two weeks away from a marathon! I asked my parents for advice and we came to the conclusion that all I could do was take it easy, take medicine, stretch, and take care of it. However, my dad did tell me that I needed to know that hamstring muscles take the longest time to heal. Regardless of this information I set off to heal my leg as quickly as possible (ha, as if I really have to power to heal my muscles on my own). Aside from worldly healing I decided that I needed some help from Heavenly Father. I swear, I prayed almost every hour (or whenever I felt pain in my leg), I read my scriptures, I spent a lot of time on my knees praying and I even fasted.
As this week approached (the week of the race) I started to feel panic and stress set into my heart. I had attempted to run after a week of rest, prayer and fasting. However, as I started my run I knew almost after a mile that my leg was not healed. And for the rest of the week this troubled me. I started to feel doubt sinking into my heart and mind. I felt very discouraged and very angry. However, the biggest thing that seemed to trouble me was, unfortunately, my lack of faith and my frustration with my Heavenly Father.

Before I continue to explain this, I need to explain something. I consider my testimony in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints to be pretty strong. I always have seen myself as "that girl" that whenever one of my friends was struggling never shied away from giving an answer like "have faith" or "trust Heavenly Father, He loves you". However, as I found myself in my situation I found myself struggling with my own faith. I kept having thoughts like "I have done all I can, why am I not getting results?" or "I have prayed so much and given up so much, why won't Heavenly Father help me"? As I had these negative thoughts come through my head I felt not only physically stressed but spiritually. In my head, I couldn't believe that I didn't have rock-solid faith in this situation.

The day before the race finally arrived, as did my family. As I spent time with my parents they, lovingly, told me that I may not be able to run this race. As we talked about this I finally decided that I was going to try my best and if needed I would quit. 
The day of the race came and at about 7:00am my Dad and I started our race. At first  I felt fine! I was so excited with the thoughts that I may even finish. However, as we ran I realized how much I was slowing down my dad. And as we came to mile seven my leg started to throb. By the end of mile nine I realized that I was not going to finish and, with a very disappointed heart, I told my dad I could not run any further. All though this may sound dramatic, I am not kidding when I say that this seemed to break my heart.  I had worked for so long and I had worked so hard for this... I was ready to run this race!  However, as I was placed in a car and drove down to the finish line to meet my family, I was able to ponder this situation a little more.

The first thing that I started pondering was the fact that earlier in the week I had been so stressed out by my struggling faith in the situation. I had talked to my roommate about my feelings and she gently told me that this may not be a struggle but may be a time for my faith to grow stronger. As i thought about this I was able to talk to my mom about it. I told her how I had been preparing and how I had done all I could in asking the Lord for help. My mom listened to my thought process but I loved what she said. She asked me this "Well then, do you believe that He can help you? You've done all you can, now you have to trust Him [and accept His will]"
This situation has humbled me greatly. It has shown me that no matter how strong we think we are we cannot escape adversity. The Lord gives us trials not as stumbling blocks but as ways for us to learn. There will be many times in our lives that we feel our faith being stretched and tested. This does not mean that we are weak or that we are unfaithful. This merely means that we are being put into a situation that will allow us to grow and develop. In fact, in Ether 12: 27 we are told "...If men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble...for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them."

Although I did not finish this marathon I have learned so much. I have been brought closer to my Heavenly Father through this test of faith. I have learned much about His loving ways and I have also learned much about my self and what things I need to work on in my life. I know that while our Heavenly Father may not always answer our prayers in the way that we want Him to He will always listen to us and answer our prayers in His way (which will always bless us more).

Through this experience I was also able to recognize how on this earth we are not alone. I had so many friends and family who were supporting me with advice, assistance, prayers and much more. Heavenly Father has truly placed us in a position to have many loving family members and friends. I know that I am not alone in this life as a strive to return back to Heavenly Father. My dad was the biggest example of this to me as he stood (or ran) by my side, not only through training, but, as I ran the first few miles of the Marathon. He helped me best I could and when I had to quit he still insisted in me running the last lap of the race with him towards the finish line when he reached the bottom. And I will tell you this, the love and pride I felt for my dad as I watched Him come into the last stretch, as well as when I was able to cross the finish line with him is almost too great to explain. Interestingly enough, when we crossed the finish line, due to the tacking chip in my race bib still clipped to my running shorts, I was considered a "finisher" and was handed a medal. While I felt like I did not deserve this, at my moms suggestion, I decided to keep this medal as a reminder of all that my Heavenly Father taught me through this humbling trial. While this experience was a trial in my life I know that our Heavenly Father gives us adversity so that we can learn and grow closer to Him. And for that, I am grateful that I was not able to finish this race in the exact way that I wanted to.

Our trust in His love

Summer has flown by all too quickly. It seemed like just yesterday I was saying good bye to Provo and BYU so I could go home to Montana for the summer. Now, a short four months later, I find myself back in Provo about to start my sophomore year of school. I should be excited, right? I have always been "one of those people" who gets extremely excited to attend every year of school. I have always loved laying out my first-day-of-school outfit, buying school supplies and preparing for a year of learning. In fact, last year (my first year at BYU) I could hardly wait to start the school year. I was excited to attend my classes, be out on my own, meet new people and be a college kid. And I had an amazing year with no regrets. So, like mentioned above, I should be excited....right?
Unfortunately, this is not the word I would use to describe my feelings for this coming school year. In fact, the last month has been, sadly, an inward battle with anxiety and stress for the upcoming year.
Now, I don't want to come across as complaining... I know I am extremely lucky to be attending a great university such as BYU. However, college life is not easy. It is amazing at times with so many great activities. However, it is not easy. And I realized as I looked at my schedule and plans for this year that sophomore year of BYU was going to be a bit more challenging than my freshman year (shocking. I know right). With stress-ridden anticipation of challenging classes,  stress about financial stability and worries about finding a balance in life I have found myself, for the first time in my life, not looking forward to school.

As the last month has gone on I have continued to carry these nagging worries in my heart. And each time a week passed, bringing the school year closer, I seemed to stress just a little bit more about college life. And then bam. It finally hit me that I had school within the next day or so. This, surprisingly, hit me hard. I seemed to begin to feel very alone and upset. However, I am so grateful for a loving Heavenly Father that placed events in my last week of summer that allowed me to find peace.

You see, yesterday I attended one of the most amazing funerals. While I did not know this family or their lost loved one very well I went with a group of friends to support the family who was dealing with this loss. The funeral was full of a peaceful and happy atmosphere that it seemed to drive peace into my own life. However, the part that really got to me was a musical number (testifying to me, once again, that hymns do have the power to bring the peace, comfort and the spirit into our lives).
The congragation was asked to turn to hymn number 270- "I'll Go Where You Want Me to Go". I have heard this hymn countless times and never thought much of it. However, I am grateful for the third verse that truley jumped out to me and has blessed my troubled heart this day. Part of the third verse reads this:
"So trusting my all to thy tender care, And knowing thou lovest me, I'll do thy will with a heart sincere: I'll be what you want me to be". 

As I listened to this verse I truly felt the comfort of the spirit and as I have pondered this verse I have realized why:
Our Heavenly Father loves us. He truly loves us more than we will ever know or comprehend. And because He loves us He will watch over us. Does this mean that "bad things" in our lives will cease? Does this mean that the Lord will prevent us from experiencing trials? No and no. In fact, Heavenly Father allows trials to happen in our lives so that we may grow stronger. He will never place a burden upon our backs that is more than we can handle.But in order to understand this we must be willing to put our trust in Him.
I know the Heavenly Father loves me, I am one of His daughters. Then how is it possible that I allowed myself to forget that if I place myself in His hands, trusting that He loves me enough to help me and allow things to happen in my life for my good, that everything will be ok? As I listened to this verse I realized that if I truly place 100% of my trust into He who loves me dearly, with a sincere heart, He will bless me and help me. I made the choice long ago that I would "be what [He] wants me to be"; that I would follow His words and keep His commandments. So how is it that I have forgotten to trust Him and His plan for me?

My heart is so full of gratitude for this hymn, for the gospel, for my savior Jesus Christ and, especially, for my Heavenly Father. I am grateful for the peace that has come from this gospel. And I am grateful that through the Holy Ghost as well as the precious hymns I was able to find peace in preparing for school this year. I know that trials will come and I know that this life is not meant to be easy. But I also know that Heavenly Father is loving and will always be there for me if I will trust Him, humble myself, kneel and ask sincerely for His help.

Keep Your Eye On The Tree

As a young 18 year older girl I will be completely honest with you; Nothing is more terrifying than seeing the world the way it is now. Now, I know that not everybody lives the same life style as me. Not everyone believes the same things as I do. And I do not speak for everyone. However, I think we can all agree that the world is not what it once was. The country is divided between political parties very sharply. Poverty seems to be running ramped all over the country. Our country seems to always be dealing with war, rumors of war, and threats of war. And the idea of "family" seems to be something that is not as admired or desired amongst many young adults. The world, from my eyes, seems to be getting more and more wicked each day that passes. What was once deemed unacceptable is now promoted. What once was considered wrong is now considered right. All of this is extremely scary. With all of this fear going on sometimes it is extremely discouraging. This last week as I had been pondering where the world was going I just keep thinking to myself "ok, now what? Where is this world going? And how am I going to survive it?"

Today as I sat in church I was able to hear the testimonies of people in my branch. One sister got up and started talking about the very thing that has been on my mind; the world. She said that lately she has been thinking about Lehi's dream about the tree of life. She said that in the dream the Tree of life represents Christ. The people in the dream were hanging onto the rod of iron and were making their way towards the tree. The thing that I loved the most about this sisters testimony was this: She said that we as people of the world live in a scary and wicked time. However, all we need to do is "keep [our] eye on the tree. Even if we're the last people who like that tree and want [what that tree has to offer] we got to keep looking at the tree and [make our way towards it]" 

Keep our eye on the tree? As i pondered this I thought about the this story of Lehi's dream in the Book of Mormon found in 1 Nephi chapter 8. This tree's purpose was to provide fruit that was "desirable to make one happy" (8:10). And leading to this tree was the strait and narrow path that had the iron rod along it (8:19-20). As the story goes we know that "numberless concourses of people" (8:21) were pressing forward to get to the tree and obtain the fruit that would bring happiness. However, there were some complications. First, there was the mist of darkness that clouded about the people(8: 23). Those who let go of the rod and strayed from the path were lost because of the darkness that confused the people and blocked their view. Another complication was the great and spacious building (8:26). This building was far away from the path and rod but it sure looked desirable. And within this building were people who would mock and taunt those persuing the tree.
As I pondered these complications I thought of the people persuing the tree. There were those who were on the rod that let go because they thought they knew better. Those people probably were lost in the mist of darkness trying to find a "better way" to the tree. There were probably people who let go of the rod to get to the building because it looked exciting and pretty. And there were probably people who hung their head in shame and let go of the rod because people scoffed and scorned them from the building. But what about those that hung on to the rod? How did they feel clinging to that rod? With darkness clouded around them I am curious as to whether or not they were afraid. These people couldn't see their way as well with that darkness surrounding them. Did this bring fear and uncertainty into their hearts?  As mocking jeers floated in from the distance did these good people find themselves wondering "am I really doing what I am supposed to? Or am I wasting my time?"  Regardless of these possible inward fears these people kept their eye on the tree. Those who did this were able to take courage and continue forward till the received the blessings of happiness the tree had to offer. 

With darkness closing in around us as we press forward to obtain the blessings our Heavenly Father has promised I think it is really easy to get caught up in all the trials, sadness, and wickedness of the world. It is easy to get distressed and saddened by the way the world is going. In fact, it is easy to become fearful of the situation of the world. However, what good does this fear do? Our Heavenly Father has promised us that if we keep the commandments, press forward, and endure to the end we will be blessed. And He always keeps His promises. We have a promise from the Lord; that should be comfort enough. Although

darkness seems to be all around us we must not take our eye off the tree; we must never take our eye off of what we are working towards. Even if the world seems against us, even if were are the only ones who like the thought or sight of "the tree" we have to press forward. If we are willing to rely on our Heavenly Father, Jesus Christ and His atonement,  and the gospel we will have all we need in these darkest of times. No matter how thick the darkness seems we will be able to press onward and reach our destination of pure happiness in salvation.

Professors, Friends, and God; A Year In Review

Almost a year ago my mom drove me down to Utah, helped me load all of my belongings into an ancient apartment bedroom, and left me to experience my first year of school. While I was a bit nervous for college I was full of excitement! I was taking the baby steps into becoming an adult. My ideas of what to expect from college were along the lines of this: "I'll make some friends, go to class, and get a degree." However, I never could have imagined that this year would teach me much more than just knowledge that comes from the textbooks for my general education classes. My first year at Brigham Young University taught me much about life, people, Heavenly Father, and, most importantly, myself. I did not learn all of these lessons through one person or one event. This year has been a mix-and-match collage of experiences that have helped me learn and grow. I honestly couldn't explain everything that I have learned this year; if I did that this blog post would be a book. So I want to highlight three things that I learned from a kind professor, a friend, and from, most importantly, Heavenly Father.

A Caring Professor:

 One of the first classes I took my first semester was a statistics class. Let me tell you this: I am not a math wiz. I have no love for math and logic. Never have, and, most-likely, never will. When I first started my statistics class I fell in love with it. Not because I loved the material by any means. The material was stressful, difficult, and confusing to me. I loved this class because I had a phenomenal professor who was entertaining, smart, and a good man who cared for the success of his students. Regardless of his clear instructions and teachings I still was struggling with the material during the first couple weeks of class. As time passed I realized that the first test was coming up and I was not prepared with the knowledge necessary to do well. So I put on my "big-girl-pants" and decided to go get help from my professor. He was very understanding and took a large amount of time on many different days to help me after class understand the material. A few weeks later I was sitting in the testing center taking my first statistics test. I had worked hard, studied, and put in the effort for this test. As I went to receive my grade I felt completely happy when I saw that my grade for the test was about a 74% ( I can't remember the exact score but it was around there.) Yes, I was a bit bummed that I hadn't gotten higher but, as the saying goes, "C's get degrees" and I was happy with my grade. However, I still wanted to go get help on this test to see what I did wrong. I went to see my professor who looked up my test score. For some reason I felt I had to explain myself to him-I told him that I wasn't upset by my score because, quite honestly, that was the best I could do. Not a second had gone by after I had said that when my professor did something that utterly shocked me. The man, literally, yelled at me (loudly)  "NO!"

I was so taken aback by this! What professor yells this at their student?! My professor, very loudly, continued to yell and said "NO. Kelsey, you are better than this! I know it! And we are going to work harder so that you will do better!"

What do you say to this? You can't disagree with a professor that does this. I'll spare you the details, but in short, I continued to work with my professor, learn, and at the end of the year I received a high B letter grade; something I could not have done on my own.

Now, this experience has stuck with me the whole year. This man, who did not know me on any personal level at all, saw past my limited (and non-existent) talents in statistics and took the time to help me develop, learn, and succeed. And you know what the funny thing was? He always followed up with me. On other tests he would look up my test scores and if I did well he would shoot me the thumbs up. Or when I was in class he would call on me randomly to get me to answer questions so I would learn and develop. As I ponder why this experience and teacher helped me so much I have realized this: We all are "better than this," as my professor would put it. We each have a very high potential that we are not aware of. We have to ability to push ourselves. I ,mistakenly, was ready to accept my low test score and just accept any future low scores I would receive. But this caring professor taught me that we can not just accept our average successes. We always have room to improve and do better and we each have the potential to do better than we ever imagined. Thanks to this teacher I now know that I have more potential to do things and I have the capability to do hard tasks in life that will stretch and push me.

Friends:

Throughout this year I have learned a lot about people. At school you interact with random individuals. At church you socialized and get to know fellow single young adults. There are people everywhere in our lives. Each person has  a story, a perspective, opinions....People are beautiful in their own way. They have things to offer. This year I learned The importance of people.

The best way to explain what I have learned this year is to tell you something that one of my best friends taught me near the end of the year. Even though he taught me this at the end of the year I think that his words best describe what I have learned. My friend, Jay, and I were hanging out and taking a drive. I can't even remember how we got on the subject, but, we started discussing life and the people in our lives. As we started talking Jay said something that really stuck out to me. He expressed his belief that we are on this earth to learn.  He told me that every person we meet and every experience we have we can learn something from. I think that these beliefs sum up in words what I learned this year. I have met so many incredible individuals throughout the year. Some I have gotten to know on a deeper level and some i have just had brief interaction with. But this year I have come to understand that the people around us; the strangers, the family members, acquaintances, and dear friends, are all placed in our lives so we can learn something. Whether it be good or bad we have the ability to learn something from each person we meet. That means that we, in turn, have the ability to teach people in our lives something. It can be good or bad, that choice is up to us. I know that the people placed in my life have taught me much about endurance, overcoming struggles, learning to love people purely, and other life long lessons and characteristics that I can develop in my life better. While this year I received a top-notch education I feel I have learned just as much from the people around me pertaining to life as my books and lectures have taught me in an actual classroom.

Heavenly Father and His Son:

How can I express what I have learned this year about my Heavenly Father and His Son Jesus Christ? Let me tell you this to start off: It is scary being in college as a freshman. You really don't know what to do, how things work, how to take care of yourself, or, basically, anything. And it is especially intimidating at BYU where the campus is huge, there are tons of people, and the students are all very smart and determined. It is easy to believe that you are just part of the crowd; someone who is not noticed or cared about. There were times this year where, even in a crowd of people, I felt very alone. For the first semester especially, I did not feel I was making friends (aside from my roommates who were all fantastic). I didn't feel like people really knew or cared who I was.There were times where I felt pretty lonely and distressed (especially when it came to school subjects I was not good at.)

 However, this year has taught me, without doubt, that there is someone who understands completely and utterly every bad emotion I have ever had. I know I have a Savior, Jesus Christ, who has suffered for my sufferings. I know He understands what I am going through. I know this because I have found myself on my knees praying for relief and comfort when I needed it. I know that His Father, my Heavenly Father, is very aware of me as well. I know that as I have prayed for guidance and comfort I have received it.

"Kelsey, No"

As I was reading the Book of Mormon this week I came upon Mosiah chapter 22. This chapter talks about how the people of Limhi are trying to escape from Lamanite bondage. As I started this chapter the very first verse stuck out to me which says:

"And now it came to pass that Ammon and king Limhi began to consult with the people how they should deliver themselves out of bondage; and even they did cause that all the people should gather themselves together; and this they did that they might have the voice of the people concerning the matter." 

While this verse may seem insignificant, as I read it I started to think about the Church of Jesus Christ of Later Day Saint's 185th general conference which was broadcasted over a week ago. You see, every general conference the leaders of the church have a time where they allow the members of the church to voice their sustaining vote over the authority of the church. Normally the church authority that is leading the meeting says the names of the church leaders and asks the members to raise their hand if they sustain these leaders. Then they will say after "those who are opposed show by the same sign." Normally, in general conference, the vote is unanimous; No one opposes the leadership of the church. However, this 185th general conference, there was a group of people that, when asked if anyone was opposed, jumped up and screamed their vote towards the church authorities was

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oBiSeOaRzk4

 "No?" No?! What do you mean, no?! These were the thoughts that ran through my head as I watched and heard these members of the church scream their opposing votes towards the leaders of the church. I had so many thoughts and feelings that rushed through my mind and heart. As I pondered what had happened I was shaken at first with thoughts of "how could any member of the church BUY a ticket to go to general conference just to yell no at the apostles of the lord? Is that even aloud?!" Then my shaken feelings turned to anger as I thought to myself "The nerve of these people!! I can't believe they thought that doing that was ok!" Days after conference I still had these thoughts in my head and every time I thought of what happened I would get so mad and disgusted. A couple days after conference I received a call from my mom! I was so happy, I always love talking to my mom. As we talked we started to exchange stories about our conference weekends and the fun things we did. As our fun stories changed into sharing our thoughts on the conference talks, the topic of the opposing votes came up. As the topic came up I let out all of my feelings on what had happened, and I mean ALL of them. I expressed along the lines of something like this: "I can't believe those people! How could they vote no? Who do they think they are? Boy, it is lucky that I was not sitting by them because I would be giving them dirty looks and I would have a hard time concealing my opinion on their actions!"

Ok, before I go any further, I have to make this clear. As I was thinking about telling my mom my feelings on the opposing votes I really figured she would be on "my side." I had expected my mom to share her frustration, disgust, and anger on what had happened. One of the things that I love about my mom is she has a strong personality. I have seen her get upset about things that she feels passionatley about. She is an inspiration as she will quickly defend with all of her strength the church. Any time someone does anything that conflicts with the beliefs of the church she is the first person I can depend on to be strong and stand up for what is right.
With this in mind, imagine my surprise and, yes, shock when my mother answered firmly and sharply to my vent about this opposing vote "Kelsey, no."
Again; No?! What did my mom mean, no?! Wasn't she mad at this opposing vote? Wasn't she disgusted that people could shout their opposing votes in the face of the apostles in front of hundreds of members of the church? However, as my mom started to talk, my narrow perspective broadened and I found myself with a very large piece of humble pie placed in my hands by my own mother. I have always known that my mom is an incredible woman. However, as she talked to me about this subject I realize now more than ever how wise she is. My mom told me this and I will never forget it (and this is a paraphrase): "Kelsey, the church does not ask for these votes demanding that they all be unanimous. The church is not a dictatorship that demands everyone's vote."

 Mosiah 22:1, the verse that I mentioned at the beginning of this blog, shows how that leaders of the church, even in ancient Book of Mormon times, display a lack of dictatorship. The leaders consult the members of the church in all decisions. Our church, once again, is not a dictatorship. The leaders ask for the members votes at the beginning of each general conference to get the vote and do something about it. It is not a vote that is taken "just for fun."

As I listened to my mom I realized how right she is. The church asks for the members votes to get an honest answer. If there are people who have opposing votes the leaders of the church want to know why and how they can make it better. Our church is based on the idea of "agency." We as members are never forced to become members. We are not forced to do things that we don't want to do. We, in turn, don't believe in forcing others to believe our beliefs. In our own Articles Of Faith, number 11, we state:
 "We claim the privilege of worshiping Almighty God according to the dictates of our own conscience and allow all men the same privilege, let them worship how, where, or what they may."
 We believe in agency; whether it be our own members or those of other faiths. Those people who voiced their opposing vote had the right to voice their vote. They used their agency to do so. Agency that the church is all about.
 
 As I realized this I had a thought come to my head. I realized that I, Kelsey Wood, truly am free to choose my membership. I am free to choose my standards and beliefs. Most importantly, I am free to choose what my sustaining vote is on behalf of the leaders of the church. My parents, my church leaders, and the God that I worship do not hold me against my will. They do not control whether or not I sustain the brethren of the church. The choice is all up to me whether or not I sustain the leaders of the church.

With this in mind I have made a decision. This is my choice: I, Kelsey Wood, sustain Prophet Thomas S. Monson as a prophet of God. I sustain his counselors as well as the 12 apostles and all of the members of the 70. I will follow their words and guidance. I will trust their decisions and I will put my faith in their words. I know that they are truly men of God. After listening to them speak all weekend I do not have a shadow of a doubt that they are true disciples of the living God.I sustain these men. Whether or not someone did or did not sustain them in this past general conference is none of my business. I have learned that for myself now. What is most important in my life is whether or not I sustain these men. And I do. I have made my choice and I intend to keep it.

He Lives

Today I write for many reasons. The last two weeks I have experienced many thoughts, events, and experiences that have helped me ponder and develop a deeper appreciation for one of the most important men in my life; Jesus Christ. What started this sense of pondering was, in fact, a paper. In one of my classes my professors required me to write a paper about the Savior and how He was the "Master Teacher." My assignment was a 3-4 page paper that told of the Savior's characteristics, actions, doctrines, and principles taught in two consecutive chapters in the New Testament gospels. As I attempted to start my paper I felt, sadly, stumped. I couldn't believe it; 18 years of being a member of the church and you'd think I could handle this assignment. In an act of need I started asking friends, roommates, and family for two chapters and what they thought displayed the Saviors role of "the Master Teacher." Finally I thought I had my two chapters. Right now, off the top of my head, I can't remember what they are.... But I know I wasn't supposed to write about those chapters. Because as I started to prepare my paper I thought of someone I really looked up to in my life. Someone who had displayed not only wisdom in the gospel but a deeper understanding of the Savior than I feel I have. This person is my dad. I realized that I hadn't asked him about his thoughts on my assignment. So i shot him a text, and figured that it would just be nice to have another opinion. Within a few hours I got a text back. My dad suggested for me to write about John 18-19. This seemed a bit curious at first because these chapters cover the Saviors crucifixion. out of all the chapters that include Jesus healing the sick, preaching the gospel, and performing miracles, all of which taught and converted many, my dad suggested chapters where no parable is told, no healing is done, and no teaching is performed. However, my dad explained this to me: Jesus Christ was not the master teacher because of what He taught but because of what He did. As I pondered and wrote my paper I realized Dad was right; The Savior taught all of us by example as He did the most selfless thing in the history of the world; He died for all.
I don't want to cover all of the things that I wrote in my paper, here instead is a link that leads to that if you are interested in reading it. https://docs.google.com/document/d/1wRx26U7TZULWa9AATWPZ5xGlV8BmqIUID54FGncnAQA/edit
Instead I would like to address what this understanding of the atonement lead to in the following week.

This weekend, as we all know, was Easter weekend. Easter use to be time when me and my sisters would look for eggs, eat lots of bunny shaped chocolate, and get new Easter dresses that my mother would either buy or make with her talent of sewing. However, within the last few years I have started to, finally, understand the deeper meaning behind Easter: The death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. This Easter weekend was especially special because it happened on the 185th general conference session; A time where the Prophet and Apostles speak to church members all around the world to give guidance, inspiration, peace-bearing messages, and the words of the Lord. To enjoy conference weekend me and three of my good friends went to Salt Lake City where we wanted to enjoy watching conference. I will admit though, this trip, originally, seemed to be mostly a "weekend get-away." We spent the weekend by going out a lot, chatting, spending time in the city shopping, along with watching conference.
  However, one of the days as me and my friends were just laughing and enjoying our time a random thought came to mind: As I looked around at what I was doing I realized that at this point in time hundreds of years ago Jesus Christ was enduring the pains of the atonement and the crucifixion. I am not a religious scholar; I did not know exactly what times the Savior endured such pains. But I realized as I looked around at my friends and the world around me that while I was enjoying some pleasant things at my point of life hundreds of years ago the Savior was enduring the most unbearable things imaginable. This made me feel a bit sad to think about Christ suffering so much. However, as we  listened to the apostles I learned some valuable things about the atonement.

In conference President Packer said something that really stood out to me: He said "The atonement [of Jesus Christ] bears no scars." For me this meant that if we use the atonement in our lives we will not have any scars left (our sins will be forgiven and the Lord will remember them no more). But how interesting is it that ,while our scars will be healed and never seen, Jesus Christ, the Savior of the world, will always have the scars of the nail prints in His hands? Elder Holland said in his phenomenal conference talk today "This Easter I thank [Christ] for standing triumphant over death although he stands on wounded feet. This Easter I thank Him for extended his arms in unending grace, all though he extends it with pierced palms and scared wrists." Christ truly suffered much for us and we should remember the prints He will always carry on His body to remind us of what we should be doing in this life.

Just as Elder Holland thanked the Savior for His sacrifice, as well as Heavenly Father for allowing such things to happen, I want to express my gratitude for the Savior as well by bearing my testimony of Him. I know that He suffered, bled, and died so that all men could not only be forgiven of their sins but so that they would never feel alone; for Christ truly has endured all of our pains, sufferings, afflictions, and loneliness. He knows how we feel at all times. But most importantly I know that He lives. I can not express this loudly enough. I can't prove this to anyone. I can't explain the resurrection. But I know that He lives. I believe with all of my heart that He lives. Because He lives we all have a second chance. We all have this beautiful gift that was paid for by our loving older brother that allows us the chance to return to Him and erase our spiritual scars. Christ extends His arms out to all of us and He will never let us go. He will never let us down. I know that He lives, I know that He loves us, and I know that He, along with Heavenly Father, is aware of each of us. I am not ashamed to add my testimony of these things to those of the prophets and apostles. I am so grateful for this Easter season and for Jesus Christ; The redeemer and Master Teacher.

I Am A Daughter Of God; Who Art Thou?

Ok. Midterms, school, roommates, boys, homework, future worries... It's enough to make a freshman girl in college crack in half. And the last few weeks all this has almost done that to me. But thankfully I was reminded of something extremely important this week.
I am currently taking a Human Development class to cover one of my GE's. The class is very interesting and my professor is beyond incredible! He just knows what he is talking about and knows how to make it interesting. On top of this my professor is able to incorperate the idea of God and Jesus Christ and life on the earth into practically every unit of the class (which I love.) Well this week I attended his class with a heavy heart. The week was going long and it was hard to focus. As we began class my professor told us we were starting the unit of "Self." What on earth did this mean? As we talked my professor told us how important it is for each of us to have a concept of our own "self." My professor started his class off by saying this "Who are you all? When I ask you that what is your first response?" Being at BYU our initial response, the response we had been saying since we were young children, was "A child of God!" My professor smiled and shook his head. He then asked specifically "Young ladies who are you?" This brought to mind something I had not thought about in a while (it felt like.) And that would be the young womens theme. For those of you who may not know; The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints has a program called Young Women's. It teaches the young ladies of the church how to grow up righteously and how to reach their potential as daughters of God. There is a theme/saying that goes with the program that you say more than once a week. When my professor asked who the young ladies were he asked us to "really say who we were" meaning, he wanted us to state the young womens theme: So we said:

 "We are daughters of our Heavenly Father, who loves us, and we love Him. We will 'stand as witnesses of God at all times and in all things, and in all places' (Mosiah 18:9) as we strive to live the Young Women values, which are: Faith, Divine Nature, Individual Worth, Knowledge, Choice and Accountability, Good Works, Integrity, and Virtue. We believe as we come to accept and act upon these values, we will be prepared to strengthen home and family, make and keep sacred covenants, receive the ordinances of the temple, and enjoy the blessings of exaltation."

As I recited this theme that I had not uttered in what felt like months I felt something in my heart (sounds cheesy but I wont apologize) I felt a bit of a remembrance and I realized how much I had missed saying these words every week. After we young women recieted this my professor decided to share a scripture with us (I wish I could take credit for this blog post but I have my professor to thank for most of it!)

In Moses Chapter 1 The Lord is revealing Himself to Moses. I can only imagine how Moses felt at this moment. The God of all the earth has revealed himself to him. I would feel a bit...Small...Insignificant. I would find myself asking "Why is the Lord revealing Himself to me? A man?" But the Lord has a way of reminding us who we really are.

1:4- "And, behold, thou art my son; wherefore look and I will show thee the workmanship of mine hands but not all, for my works are with out end, and also my words, for they never cease."
1:6-"And I have a work for thee, Moses, my son; and thou art in the similitude of mine Only Begotten; and mine Only Begotten is and shall be the Savior, for he is full of grace and truth; but there is no God besides me, and all things are present with me, for I know them all."
1:7 "And now, behold, this one thing I show unto thee, Moses, my son, for thou art in the world, and now I show it unto thee." 

How cool is this? God first and foremost calls Moses His son! He reminds him firstly of who he is. He calls Moses by name. He reminds Moses not once but three times that he is a song of God. These simple acts have got to have made Moses feel better. However, once Moses is done talking with the Lord who shows up immediately to try to place doubt into Moses? Satan.

1:12- "And it came to pass that when Moses had said these words, behold Satan came tempting him, saying; Moses, son of man, worship me."

Satan tried to tell Moses that he was of man. Satan is trying to take away the idea and fact that Moses has devine kinship. I can imagine how I would feel. I would feel pretty bad! I don't know if I would behave with doubt or how I would act. But Moses did not shrink at all.

1:13-" And it came to pass that Moses looked upon Satan and said: Who art thou? For behold, I am a son of God, in the similitude of his only Begotten; and where is thy glory that I should worship thee?"

How awesome is that? Moses puts Satan in his place. When I read this scripture I picture it in "2015 language" and this is how it reads out " Satan, who are you to tell me that I am merely a son of man? I know who I am. I am a son of God. Who are you to tell me that I am not a child of God?"
I think that it is interesting that Satan targets the fact that the Lord told Moses he was a son of God. The Lord had just shown Moses many things, He had said lots of things, and truly God did show great power. Satan could've targeted many things. He could have tried to place doubt in Moses heart about the things he had seen, Gods power, or even the fact that God even existed. However, Satan decided to target Moses holy heritage. Why?
I want to quote what my professor told us: "Developing notions of self is the most important thing we can learn. It is also Satan's biggest target. If Satan can warp our sense of self everything else will fall into place [for him]" If Satan can get us to believe that we are not children of God, that we are not special, that we are not important, he has succeeded on so many levels. Satan uses the world to get us to doubt who we truly are. The world places in the minds of the children of God so many negative things. The world tells us we are not pretty enough, not skinny enough, not muscular enough for the world. The world tells us you are not smart enough, you aren't talented, you are just a face in the crowd. This can get depressing. I know personally this to be true.

As I was sitting in class i felt the stress of the last few weeks of school on my shoulders. It has been pretty hard. I have constantly felt that my success was determined by a percentage on a paper. I felt my worth was determined by my success. I felt myself not feeling good about who I was and how I was doing. However as I sat in class and heard this lecture my heart started to feel lighter. But I personally believe my whole day was changed by what my teacher taught us at the end of class. He told us this; No matter what happens in life. No matter what we get on our midterms, our finals, or on our assignments. No matter what "success" or "failures" we endure in life one thing will remain. The fact that we are children of God. It doesn't matter what we say or do we are children of God. He loves us. He does not base His love for us off of our successes and failures. It is an unconditional love and an eternal heritage. I will be a child of God for all eternity regardless of whatever happens in life.

When my teacher explained this to me I felt so relieved and loved. If we constantly look at ourselves through the eyes of the world we will never be happy. Looking at ourselves through the worlds view point is like looking through one of those mirrors at the carnival; our reflection is distorted and not what we want. But if we choose to trust the Lord, believe in the fact that He loves us, and look at ourselves through His perspective I know that we will be happier.

I am so grateful for what I learned. At the end of it I was really thinking about myself and how I felt about myself personally. While thinking I decided to do something. I wanted to personalize the Young womens theme to myself. So I did. And this is what I got from it:


"I, Kelsey Anne Wood, am a daughter of  Heavenly Father, who loves me, and I love Him. I will stand as witnesses of God at all times and in all things, and in all places' (Mosiah 18:9) as I strive to live the Young Women values, which are: Faith, Divine Nature, Individual Worth, Knowledge, Choice and Accountability, Good Works, Integrity, and Virtue. I believe as I come to accept and act upon these values, I will be prepared to strengthen my home and family, make and keep sacred covenants, receive the ordinances of the temple, and enjoy the blessings of exaltation."

I know that God lives. I know that His Son, our elder brother, Jesus Christ lives. I know that the Lord is there for us through the best of times and the worst of times. And I know that if we look at ourselves through His perspective, recognizing who we truly are, we will be happy.  If you ever have a shadow of a doubt of who you are just get on your knees and ask Him. He will help you remember who you are and He will remind you of your purpose on this earth.

tough love (from Nephi to Me)

These last two weeks, without a doubt, have been the hardest week of college for me so far. I have discovered these last two weeks that college can sometimes feel like drowning: You struggle under the pressure of the water which just so happens to be multiple assignments, tests, and due dates. And once you feel like you are caught up and can come up for a breathe of air you get shoved under the water again with just more stuff to worry about. As you can imagine this is not ideal. And I don't want to complain because I know for a fact that there are many students that are juggling more credits than I am and are handling other activities such as jobs and intramural sports on top of their school work load. I should consider myself lucky. However, like I said, these past two weeks have just been rough. However, I have found that the times I learn the most are when I am required to be more humble as I find myself asking for the Lords help more often.

Around the time that these rough weeks were starting I found out that my Dad was going to be in town. This really comforted me for some reason. My immediate thought was to ask for a blessing. However, I felt like I shouldn't. I thought to myself "I don't need a blessing. I am perfectly healthy, nothing is majorly wrong, and there are far better reasons to ask for a blessing other than just being stressed out." I was really thinking about it when I had a chat with my mom on the phone. I didn't necessary tell her all the stuff I had been struggling with but she all of a sudden said "well dad is coming down soon, ask him for a blessing." This encouraged me to take a step and ask my dad for what I needed most. When the time came that my dad was in town I had finished my first "stress week" and I knew that I needed to be humble and ask for additional help from my Father in Heaven at this time. So I asked my dad to give me a blessing. I will say this: I know that the priesthood is a real power and I am so grateful for it. The minute my dad placed his hands on my head I felt a sense of peace just wash over my troubled mind and heart. The words my dad spoke to me were very special. One of the things that stuck out most to me were the worlds spoken at the very beginning of my blessing. The words that were spoken simply told me to be aware that my Heavenly Father loved me. This may seem like an extremely simple and insignificant thing to be said in a fathers blessing but this struck home with me. I was being reasured at this time that I truly had a Heavenly Father that loved me and was aware of the struggles I was facing. These words reminded me of a scripture that I have been pondering for a couple weeks now (I wanted to blog sooner but it has been so busy I haven't gotten a chance yet!)

This semester I have started a Book of Mormon class 121. I have read the Book of Mormon many times and I always find myself just looking for the same things every time I read it. As I started to read it for my class I started where everyone starts: First Nephi chapter one. As members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints we all pretty much have it memorized: "I Nephi having been born of goodly parents..." ya, ya (that's how I think it feels for some of us as we start the first chapter in this book) However, as I read the first verse I noticed something I never thought of before. It says
"I, Nephi, having been born of goodly parents, therefore I was taught somewhat in all the learning of my father; and having seen many afflictions in the course of my days, nevertheless, having been haighly favored of the Lord in all my days; yea, having had a great knowledge of the goodness and the mysteries of God, therefore I make a record of my proceedings in my days."

(as you could probably guess, the highlighted portion was what I noticed) As i read this I realized this could apply to me personally as well as everyone. The Lord loves His children; Every single one of them. However, just because we are beloved children of God doesn't mean that He is going to spare us from ever experiencing afflictions in our lives. Nephi, for example, suffered persecution from His own brothers, suffered in the wilderness, dealt with trials of family sin that affected him, and many other things. Regardless of these things He was blessed in many ways and was favored of the Lord. This scripture me made me realize that even though I was going through a hard time this didn't mean that I had been forgotten or that I was being punished. As this much needed fathers blessing reminded me, Heavenly Father still loved me and was there for me even though He was allowing me to go through some rough times.

I know that Heavenly Father is very real. He loves each of us and allows things to happen for a reason. I am grateful for the things that I learn even though sometimes it may be through uncomfortable and, even, painful experiences. I know that He lives and that His son Jesus Christ lives and loves us too. We are asked to go through some difficult times in our lives but these things will be for our good.

Continuing to Learn (He is there)

It feels like it has been over a year since I was in my New Testament class! In reality it has only been a little under a month since I last found myself in my inspiring class. However, I have realized something in the last few weeks that I felt I wanted to share.  To start, I would like to share a story that led to my realization:

For Christmas break I was able to go back to Montana to spend the holiday with my family. After only being there a few days my dad asked me if I would be willing to speak in the following sacrament meeting. Of course I said yes and I asked him what he would like me to speak on. My dad told me He would like me to talk about my New Testament class and how it helped me. Now, for some reason, as soon as my dad told me my topic I froze up a bit. For some reason I felt as if I had nothing to talk about. This thought was crazy! I knew I had learned a lot from the class. I had blogged, spent hours on a semester project, attended all my classes, and yet I couldn't think of what I could possibly talk about. As my talk drew nearer the holiday schedule continued to get crazy. So in an attempt to "get ahead of the game" I decided to write my talk two days before I was going to speak. So I took my time to prepare my talk. I wrote it all out, had it completely prepared and felt good with the knowledge that "now I could focus on the rest of my weekend now that my talk was out of the way." However, even after I wrote my talk I did not feel content with my talk. I kept thinking to myself "this is not what I need to be talking about." I thought this was silly because I had prepared my talk and I had done my best on it. However, the feelings kept coming to me that I needed to change my talk. However, even when I considered what I was going to talk about I had no idea! I had a "stupor of thought" as they call it. The next couple days went  by and the night before I gave my talk I went to bed still thinking about what I should speak on.
 The next morning I woke up and decided this: I had a couple hours before church and I was going to change what I was speaking on. As I started to ponder what I was going to write I thought about one of the biggest things that impacted my learning experience in my class: My semester project.

Basically, what my semester project ended up being was an art portfolio. Not in the sense that I drew anything (I am not artistic at all) but instead I would take pieces of art that had the Savior in them. Then I would ponder the painting and write about the things I noticed, thoughts I had, or feelings I received. For the talk I gave in Montana I decided I wanted to talk a little bit about my project and use an example from it. So i chose to use the example of the painting I chose for one of my first weeks of the class. The painting is "The Lost Sheep" by Liz Lemon Swindle.

As I was writing down what I was going to talk about for this painting I figured I would just include in my talk the things I had written down for my semester project. This things would include the countenance of the girl, the saviors arms, etc.... However, as I started looking a little closer and I realized something I never had before. In this painting shows the Savior hugging this girl in a position where the girl feels his embrace but can not see His face. And the viewers of the painting (like me and you) are not shown the Saviors face. As i realized this I had this incredible realization. This is exactly how the comfort of the Savior works. When we are in our lowest points, when we are struggling and suffering He will comfort us. However, much like this girl, we can not see Him when He comforts us. But He is there. We can feel His comfort and feel His love for us.

So I don't know if my talk changed anybody's life. I am not sure if the people who listened to my words were influenced at all by the words I spoke. However, I am beginning to realize the possibility as to why I had my "stupor of thought" and was required to rewrite my talk; I needed to learn from it. I continued to learn from my new testament class even after I had finished it and it was by the hand of the Lord! And what I learned was this: That sometimes we will do things with good intentions (kind of like how I wrote my talk first talk and prepared it) but even though we do things with good intentions does not mean that is what we are supposed to do. The Lord may have other plans for us. And I also learned truly for myself that Christ is there. Even though I can't see Him I know He cares about me and everyone else and will always be willing to comfort His brothers and sisters.

I am truly grateful for this experience and I am glad that I can see the hand of the Lord and Christ in my life even in the small ways of my life.