Humility and Hamstrings

Almost four months ago my family was able to go vacation in Mexico with our family friends the Broadbents. While at dinner one night our friend Jarin told our family how he was planning on doing the Nebo marathon in September. When we returned home from our vacation I was surprised when my Dad suggested that we run the Nebo marathon as well (my dad will claim that this isn't really what happened and that I was the one who suggested this.... that's not true). So for the last four months I have been training with my dad to get ready to run 26.2 miles. As I ran mile after mile, sacrificing time, unhealthy food, and early hours of sleep I felt like I was making many parallels between the gospel and running. As the marathon drew nearer, I'll confess, I had already started to think of blogging about the race and how it related to the gospel. However, plans of blogging, or even running the race, took a drastic change in direction two weeks ago.

Two weeks ago, after my last long run in preparation for the race, I woke up and noticed that the back of my right leg was unnaturally sore. At first I thought that it was just a sore muscle and it would be fine. However, as the week progressed and after talking with a couple knowledgeable people I came to the conclusion that my ham string was pulled. This is not something that you want to hear when you are two weeks away from a marathon! I asked my parents for advice and we came to the conclusion that all I could do was take it easy, take medicine, stretch, and take care of it. However, my dad did tell me that I needed to know that hamstring muscles take the longest time to heal. Regardless of this information I set off to heal my leg as quickly as possible (ha, as if I really have to power to heal my muscles on my own). Aside from worldly healing I decided that I needed some help from Heavenly Father. I swear, I prayed almost every hour (or whenever I felt pain in my leg), I read my scriptures, I spent a lot of time on my knees praying and I even fasted.
As this week approached (the week of the race) I started to feel panic and stress set into my heart. I had attempted to run after a week of rest, prayer and fasting. However, as I started my run I knew almost after a mile that my leg was not healed. And for the rest of the week this troubled me. I started to feel doubt sinking into my heart and mind. I felt very discouraged and very angry. However, the biggest thing that seemed to trouble me was, unfortunately, my lack of faith and my frustration with my Heavenly Father.

Before I continue to explain this, I need to explain something. I consider my testimony in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints to be pretty strong. I always have seen myself as "that girl" that whenever one of my friends was struggling never shied away from giving an answer like "have faith" or "trust Heavenly Father, He loves you". However, as I found myself in my situation I found myself struggling with my own faith. I kept having thoughts like "I have done all I can, why am I not getting results?" or "I have prayed so much and given up so much, why won't Heavenly Father help me"? As I had these negative thoughts come through my head I felt not only physically stressed but spiritually. In my head, I couldn't believe that I didn't have rock-solid faith in this situation.

The day before the race finally arrived, as did my family. As I spent time with my parents they, lovingly, told me that I may not be able to run this race. As we talked about this I finally decided that I was going to try my best and if needed I would quit. 
The day of the race came and at about 7:00am my Dad and I started our race. At first  I felt fine! I was so excited with the thoughts that I may even finish. However, as we ran I realized how much I was slowing down my dad. And as we came to mile seven my leg started to throb. By the end of mile nine I realized that I was not going to finish and, with a very disappointed heart, I told my dad I could not run any further. All though this may sound dramatic, I am not kidding when I say that this seemed to break my heart.  I had worked for so long and I had worked so hard for this... I was ready to run this race!  However, as I was placed in a car and drove down to the finish line to meet my family, I was able to ponder this situation a little more.

The first thing that I started pondering was the fact that earlier in the week I had been so stressed out by my struggling faith in the situation. I had talked to my roommate about my feelings and she gently told me that this may not be a struggle but may be a time for my faith to grow stronger. As i thought about this I was able to talk to my mom about it. I told her how I had been preparing and how I had done all I could in asking the Lord for help. My mom listened to my thought process but I loved what she said. She asked me this "Well then, do you believe that He can help you? You've done all you can, now you have to trust Him [and accept His will]"
This situation has humbled me greatly. It has shown me that no matter how strong we think we are we cannot escape adversity. The Lord gives us trials not as stumbling blocks but as ways for us to learn. There will be many times in our lives that we feel our faith being stretched and tested. This does not mean that we are weak or that we are unfaithful. This merely means that we are being put into a situation that will allow us to grow and develop. In fact, in Ether 12: 27 we are told "...If men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble...for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them."

Although I did not finish this marathon I have learned so much. I have been brought closer to my Heavenly Father through this test of faith. I have learned much about His loving ways and I have also learned much about my self and what things I need to work on in my life. I know that while our Heavenly Father may not always answer our prayers in the way that we want Him to He will always listen to us and answer our prayers in His way (which will always bless us more).

Through this experience I was also able to recognize how on this earth we are not alone. I had so many friends and family who were supporting me with advice, assistance, prayers and much more. Heavenly Father has truly placed us in a position to have many loving family members and friends. I know that I am not alone in this life as a strive to return back to Heavenly Father. My dad was the biggest example of this to me as he stood (or ran) by my side, not only through training, but, as I ran the first few miles of the Marathon. He helped me best I could and when I had to quit he still insisted in me running the last lap of the race with him towards the finish line when he reached the bottom. And I will tell you this, the love and pride I felt for my dad as I watched Him come into the last stretch, as well as when I was able to cross the finish line with him is almost too great to explain. Interestingly enough, when we crossed the finish line, due to the tacking chip in my race bib still clipped to my running shorts, I was considered a "finisher" and was handed a medal. While I felt like I did not deserve this, at my moms suggestion, I decided to keep this medal as a reminder of all that my Heavenly Father taught me through this humbling trial. While this experience was a trial in my life I know that our Heavenly Father gives us adversity so that we can learn and grow closer to Him. And for that, I am grateful that I was not able to finish this race in the exact way that I wanted to.