Such Sacred Suffering

How can I possibly cover everything that I learned this week in a blog? How can I explain the feelings I had in my class this week? This week I was able to tread on very sacred ground in my class. This week we dove into the process of the whole atonement and the suffering Christ went through for all man-kind so that they could live again and not suffer as He did. I was filled with heart ache and love for my Savior this week. I am extremely grateful for Him, His love, and His sacrifice.

After Christ's last supper He traveled with His disciples to the Garden of Gethsemane where He would suffer for three hours the most unimaginable pains. In my class we related the atonement process in Gethsemane to an oil press. To explain in short; an oil press squashed the oil from olives by using a very huge stone circle. With this comparison in mind, my teacher drew a large circle on the board that was representing the stone press. We started to put in all the things the Savior had to suffer in this garden. Loneliness, broken hearts, doubt, guilt, fear, shame, stress, depression, regret, worthlessness.... This list of emotional sufferings was almost endless. Then we had to come up with another list of sufferings that were physical, things like sickness, disabilities.... We could've spent the whole class coming up with social, physical, mental, and spiritual sufferings and we never would have gotten them all in that circle. And the Lord had to experience it all on His shoulders. In class we also learned that the Savior may have experienced something even more painful that no one on the earth will never have to feel. My teacher sent us back to John 16:32 which says "Behold, the hour cometh, year, is now come, that ye shall be scattered, every man to his own, and shall leave me alone: and yet I am not alone, because the Father is with me." My teacher pointed out that the Savior may have thought that through His whole suffering from the Garden to the Cross the Lord would be with Him. But this was not the case. During the time Christ needed His Fathers presence the most the Father had to withdraw Himself so that Christ would know what it felt like to be out of His presence; in other words, Christ had to feel what Hell would feel like. Christ suffered all of our afflictions and even more than we would ever feel.

With this in mind, think about this: We were not on the earth at the time of Christ. We were still living in the spirit world. Is it possible that we were allowed by our Heavenly Father to watch this sacred suffering? I am not going to preach and say that this is true. However, in my heart and mind it makes me feel closer to my Savior thinking that I was allowed to watch the process of the atonement from afar. So imagine this: We are watching the Savior walk into the garden. He leaves His disciples and goes on alone. All of a sudden we can sense and see that there is a problem. In Matthew 26:39 it says "And He went a little further, and fell on his face."Pause. From wherever I was watching this I know what I would do in reaction to that. I would probably gasp and question what was going on! In the 33 years of the Saviors life on the earth did He ever show signs of physical weakness? Did He ever show any acts of clumsiness? No, He didn't. And now He has fallen to His face in agony with the burden of all our sufferings and sins on His shoulders. As the verse goes on it says " and [He] prayed saying, O my Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me:" Pause! We all know that in the beginning of the creation it was necessary that we had a perfect volunteer for someone to be the great sacrifice for all man kind. The Savior obeyed His Father and took that position. Now, the greatest of all was crying out in pain asking for this burden and responsibility to be taken away from Him. If I really did watch this in the spirit world I know exactly what my reaction would be. I would probably start to worry. I would probably cry out and weep. Because I know that If the Savior didn't perform this great work there would be no way for me to get back to my Heavenly Father. I could never become more perfect through His atonement if He didn't fulfill it. However, if we continue with the verse, the Savior says the sweetest and most unselfish thing humanity would ever hear- "nevertheless not as I will, but as thou wilt."

Our Savior was perfect. And yet He had to suffer everyones sins. I am not perfect, I am not even close. And it hurts me to know that someone so perfect suffered so much for my mistakes, my sufferings, my heart aches. It also warms my heart to know that even though the Savior could've backed out, He could've walked away saying "This is too hard, make it stop, I don't want to do this anymore." He didn't. He endured all so that we could have another chance. And I will be forever grateful for this.
I know that our Savior bled, suffered, and died for us. His love is so large that He went through all things, even the feelings of Hell, for us. I know that He lives. I know that He cares about us. And I can never repay Him for this infinite and perfect love.