This week was the final week I had of my New Testament class. As we went through this class I don't think that my heart has every felt more hurt for the story of the crucifixion as it did in these two days. I will not go into the details that were revealed in class of the process of the crucifixion. But I will say this, I now understand, to a degree, that the Savior being crucified was more painful than any of us can ever imagine. After hours of suffering outside of Calvary the Savior was required to suffer on the cross. His body broken by the scourges and the nails in his arms and legs. His spirits extremely low as the full intensified weight of the atonement He was required to feel in Gethsemane was placed back on His shoulders for a time on the cross. With all of the pain, sorrow, and heart break the Savior must have been feeling at this time it completely blows my mind that He was still willing to go through all of this for imperfect beings like ourselves. At the heighth of the Saviors suffering He says something out loud that I have always, sadly, looked over. In Mark 15: 34 it says "And at the ninth hour Jesus cried with a loud voice, saying, Eloi, Eloi, lama ssabachthani? Which is, being interpreted, My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?" In class we were brought to the realization that Christ must have felt abandoned. He had to endure all of the pains of the world and suffer death all without the comfort and presence of His Father. At this point, If I were in the Saviors shoes, I would not want to perform my duty any further. Christ had the power to say "You know what, I don't want to do this any more. I am miserable, upset, hurting and I don't want to do this anymore." However, He did not do that. And why is that? Do you think that the thing that was keeping Christ on the cross was the nails that pinned Him to it? The supreme being that created the world and the elements that made up the nails piercing His body was not held to the cross against His will. Even though He was suffering in agony spiritually, mentally, and physically He was being obedient. Even though He felt that all signs of His Father had disappeared from His life.
In class my professor brought up something that brought this experience of Christ's obedience close to home. He told us about something that CS Lewis had written called "Screwtape Letters", or, as some people know it as, "The Law of Undulation." For those of you who are not familiar with it here is an explanation passage found under an article I found (I hadn't heard of this book till class.)
"For those who don’t know, Screwtape is a demon writing to an apprentice
demon named Wormwood. Thus, all that is said is said from the
perspective of the demon. When you hear about the Enemy, it means God."
So in this book at some point Wormwood writes to Screwtape with "good news" saying that their client, the person they are trying to drag down away from the "enemy" (God) is in the deepest pit of dispair at the moment and feels that God has left him alone. Screwtape response was brought up in class and I love it. This is what Screwtape says to Wormwood:
"Do not be deceived, Wormwood. Our cause is never more in danger, than
when a human, no longer desiring, but intending, to do our Enemy’s will,
looks round upon a universe from which every trace of Him seems to have
vanished, and asks why he has been forsaken, and still obeys."
This passage explains exactly what was happening on the cross. Jesus Christ had felt completely forsaken and still obeyed His Fathers will. Regardless of the fact that Satan must've been releasing all of His power on Christ still obeyed and completed His mission. We will never have to endure the things the Christ did. He suffered them so that we would never have to. However, there will be times in our lives that we will feeling miserable, depressed, angry, and we may even find ourselves wondering where God is even in our lives. It is at this time that we must continue to obey regardless of our loneliness. Whether it is days, weeks, months, or even years, we must continue to obey and endure. Our loving Savior suffered everything for us so that we can have another chance every single day to become more perfect so that we can live with our Heavenly Father. And we cannot give up this just because life can get hard.
This semester I have learned so much. And I just want to bear my testimony of how important the gospel is to me. It makes my life so much happier. I know that Jesus Christ is my Savior. I know that He died for us and that He lives to this day. I cannot wait for the day that I get to see Him. My testimony has grown so much over the course of this class. I am so grateful for the atonement. I know that if we ever are suffering there is someone who loves us dearly who understands exactly what we are going through. I know that our Heavenly Father exists and loves us.And I know that we are not alone. I know that Christ lives and loves us. He is the ultimate example and I can not express how much He means to me. But i know that He does live and loves us. I can't express that enough.
I am so grateful for this semester and I wanted to add that after some thought I have decided to continue to blog with this blog. With the help of this assignment I have seen the Lords hand in my life more clearly and been able to reflect on the gospels influence in my life.
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